Act of kindness leads to lifelong friendship

Meet David Gilchrist and Rod Holman. The foundations of their friendship were built on homesickness, kindness and a desire to connect. Over 50 years after they walked out of Trinity’s gates they’re still great friends, reflecting on how much simply speaking up can change a life. 

In the Trinity Alumni office, it’s not uncommon to hear from Old Boys who have reconnected with friends after losing touch or to hear stories of those who didn’t see eye to eye with classmates, becoming great friends in the years after leaving the School. Every story is different, but each has something in common – these friendships were built on a small moment that changed everything. 

When David Gilchrist came to Trinity in 1968 as a Year 6 student, he found himself in a city he didn’t know, surrounded by people he found it hard to connect with. His parents were missionaries with the Church Missionary Society (CMS), based at Numbulwar (Rose River), 700km east of Darwin. Even now, Numbulwar is one of the most isolated of the main Arnhem Land communities. 

The first of three sons, he was sent to Trinity as a boarder. For David, the transition to the big smoke was bumpy and uncertain. 

“It was a huge thing,” he says of coming to Trinity. “When I started there were over a hundred boarders from all walks of life, all areas … it was one big melting pot of people and I wasn’t used to it, coming from such an isolated place to this busy environment.” 

While David did have extended family nearby – including his grandmother in Vaucluse – for much of his initial time at Trinity, he was on his own and he felt the undesirable solitude keenly. Each day as he was bussed from the Boarding House to the Strathfield campus, he was filled with a dread that had never really dissipated in the first place.

And, while Trinity’s systems of Pastoral Care were mobilised to support David, he notes that while he was in the weeds of homesickness there wasn’t much that could get through to him. 

“I didn’t know anyone. It took me a long time to settle in. For a lot of the first few months I spent time crying into my pillow. Homesickness is a very strange feeling … It's very powerful. When you get homesick it’s a tough thing to deal with.” 

Homesickness is not an uncommon experience for those who board – with some studies suggesting that a third of boarders will experience homesickness at least once while one in five students will experience recurrent episodes of homesickness throughout their first year of boarding. This was David’s experience, with his homesickness persisting until one of his peers noticed and took action. 

“There were a lot of tears and not just during school hours” says Rod Holman, recalling his friend during the early days of their time at Trinity. 

Rod was experiencing the strangeness of starting a new school too, having moved from his previous school in the public system to join Trinity in Year 6. While he was a local ‘Day Boy’ returning to his family home each night, he still understood the feeling of needing to find your feet. 

It was this keen eye, looking out for others, that saw Rod bring David’s plight to his mother. 

“I told her that I’d seen one of the guys at school quite upset. That’s all I had to say – she went into action saying that it might be possible to help him, that we might be able to have him over for a weekend.  

Rod’s mother knew that boarders had ‘exit weekends’ when they were able to either go home or to an approved family’s home. 

“I don’t know how it all came about … I can’t even remember if we had communication via telephone [with David’s family in the NT] at that stage,” Rod laughs. “Maybe they just spoke to a next of kin here in Sydney to make it happen, before they got in touch with his parents up at the mission … I’m not sure.” 

David himself recalled the troubles of communication, something that only exacerbated his homesickness: “The only contact we had was letters. If there was a problem, we’d send a letter, it would take a week to get [to Numbulwar], their reply would be another week coming back. It just wasn’t a suitable communication pathway.” 

However Mrs Holman devised her plan to support her son’s friend, she was successful.  

“They went out of their way,” David says. “They contacted the School and then they kind of adopted me. I went to their place on weekends, they took me to sport, visited me at School, brought me packages… 

“Looking back on it, I realise that it made the experience so much easier, but at the time I was still going through homesickness. But this connection helped me a lot. It helped me get into a routine and finally get used to it all.” 

Rod’s small act of kindness spiralled way beyond anything he had in mind when he first brought it up to his mother; David describes it as a “fork in the road” moment for him. But it was also this for Rod himself. An only child, Rod had managed to connect himself with David, who he calls a “pseudo-sibling”. 

But it wasn’t just David’s brotherhood he secured.

“As time went on, we got a second and third brother,” Rod says of the two youngest Gilchrist brothers, Paul and Phil. “All three boys became mates.”

“My parents would transport everyone around for sport as much as we could, I know Mum was in contact with the Boarding House for any short-term issues. We’d go on trips together … I can remember us all getting together and going up to the Gold Coast. The Falcon 500 was loaded with stuff, all of us crammed in there.” 

And the extended Gilchrist family welcomed Rod into their fold just as much as the Holman family had welcomed David into theirs. 

“My family got to know Granny Bea (David’s grandmother) and the other uncles, aunties and cousins that lived in Vaucluse. And, when David’s parents did come back to town after their mission term ended, the favour was returned. Colin (David’s father) took us away on a trip to Canberra once and I was regularly over at their house.” 

Rod says that even though the Gilchrist/Holman clan doesn’t see each other nearly as much as they did when they lived in such close proximity, even after all these years they’re able to pick things up where they left off. 

He remarks that although social media has made it easier to stay in touch with old classmates, he still prefers the ‘real world’ when it comes to these friendships. 

“We’ve always sent Christmas cards,” he says. “Even if we haven’t been in touch much that year, I’ll always get a Christmas card from David with an update on life. You know that friendship is there, even when life gets in the way. It’s good to see people in person when you can.” 

He says that Trinity itself has played a huge part in staying connected with his other classmates. 

“Whenever you attend a Trinity function or go to the School to watch Rugby, you’re welcomed. As soon as they know you’re an Old Boy, there’s that instant bond, even with new parents at the School now. The Trinity family is strong and it shows in the way that Alumni relations are handled.” 

David hopes that someone who experiences homesickness like he did would be able to be supported by such an extraordinary act of kindness, but he believes the way people connect has changed.

“I think about it all the time,” David says. “This person has gone home, told their parents about it, they’ve gone out of their way to find out about this student … how many people would go to that length these days?” 

At the beginning of the 2024 academic year, Headmaster Tim Bowden reflected on Trinity as a place to make lasting friendships that see students through the unpredictable experience that is adolescence and stay strong well into adulthood. He noted that for any student, beginning at a new school can be daunting – as David found out. 

“My experience, based on my observation of this School and the collective expertise of the staff of the School developed over decades of experience, is that the friendships will come,” Mr Bowden said. “Your boy will find his people and this School will be his School.” 

“Be patient, and help your son to be engaged. The shared experiences are the key and there is no shortage of the opportunities.” 

The Gilchrists and the Holmans are proof of this, all these years later. Even with patchy lines of communication, thousands of kilometres and debilitating homesickness in their way, they were able to create an incredible connection that has lasted well beyond their School days and their story is a reminder to always be looking out for those who are quietly struggling. You never know where an outreached hand may lead you. 

This article originally appeared in our July 2024 Edition of Trinity News which you can view on our online digital bookshelf.